Confession: I Slept With The Babysitter - What Now?

I need to get something off my chest, guys. This is eating me up inside, and I don't know where else to turn. I did something incredibly stupid and selfish, and I'm terrified of the consequences if my wife ever finds out. So, here it goes: I assfucked the babysitter. Yeah, I know, I know… it sounds awful just typing it out. Let me give you the full story, because context matters, even if it doesn’t excuse my actions.

It started a few weeks ago. My wife and I needed a babysitter for our kids so we could go out for a rare date night. We've been together for ten years, married for seven, and with two kids, date nights are few and far between. We usually rely on family, but everyone was busy that night. So, we turned to a babysitting app and found a girl named Sarah. She seemed great – good reviews, experience with kids, and she was available. Sarah was 22, responsible, and the kids seemed to like her when we did a quick meet-and-greet. My wife felt comfortable with her, and honestly, so did I. We paid her in advance, told her the kids’ bedtime routine, and headed out.

During the date night, I found myself unusually preoccupied. I kept thinking about Sarah back at the house with our kids. Not in a worried way, but more of an… intrusive thought kind of way. I tried to shake it off, focusing on my wife and our conversation, but the image of Sarah kept popping into my head. We had a decent dinner, but I couldn't fully relax. When we got home, Sarah was packing up her things. The kids were sound asleep, the house was clean, and everything seemed perfectly normal. I paid her the extra hours and walked her to the door. That's when things went sideways.

We were standing on the porch, just chatting for a moment. She was thanking us for the opportunity, and I was making small talk about her studies (she mentioned she was in college). Then, out of nowhere, she leaned in and kissed me. It was a quick peck, but it was enough to send my brain into a tailspin. I was shocked, confused, and, if I'm being honest, a little turned on. Before I could react, she apologized and said she had been developing a crush on me for a while, found me attractive, but knew it was wrong. She started to tear up and said she never would have acted on it if she hadn't had a few drinks before coming over. I should have shut it down right then and there, but I didn't. Instead, I pulled her into a longer, more passionate kiss.

One thing led to another, and we ended up in the living room. I know, I know, it's disgusting. I'm disgusted with myself. We went way too far, and I crossed a line that should never have been crossed. The details are blurry, partly because I was drunk and partly because I'm trying to block it out. But the bottom line is, I assfucked the babysitter. In my own house. While my kids were asleep upstairs. The guilt and shame are overwhelming. Sarah left soon after, and I haven't spoken to her since. I don't know what to do. I haven't told my wife anything, and I don't know if I ever can. It would destroy her, and I don't want to lose my family. But the secret is eating me alive. I feel like a monster. Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this? What do I do?

The Aftermath and My Internal Struggle

Following that night, the guilt has been relentless. Every time I look at my wife, I feel a wave of nausea and self-loathing. She's such a good person, a wonderful mother, and a loving wife. She doesn't deserve this. The thought of her finding out and the pain it would cause her is unbearable. I've been having trouble sleeping, constantly replaying the events in my head, wondering how I could have been so stupid and reckless. I keep imagining the look on her face if she ever discovered the truth – the betrayal, the hurt, the anger. It's a nightmare scenario that I can't seem to escape.

I've considered confessing, hoping that maybe, just maybe, she could find a way to forgive me. But then I think about the impact it would have on our children. They adore their mother, and I can't bear the thought of them seeing her heartbroken and devastated. Could our marriage survive such a betrayal? Would they ever look at me the same way again? These questions haunt me, making it impossible to make a clear decision. The weight of my secret is crushing me, and I feel like I'm slowly drowning in guilt and regret.

I've also thought about Sarah. I haven't contacted her since that night, and I don't know if I should. Part of me wants to apologize, to try to explain how wrong and out of character my actions were. But another part of me is terrified of opening that door again. What if she tells someone? What if she tries to contact my wife? The uncertainty is agonizing. I know I should probably seek professional help, but the idea of talking to a therapist about this feels incredibly daunting. How can I admit something so shameful to a complete stranger?

Seeking Advice and Contemplating the Future

So, here I am, reaching out to strangers on the internet, hoping someone can offer some guidance or insight. Has anyone else ever made such a terrible mistake? Is there any way to move forward from this without destroying everything I hold dear? I know what I did was wrong, morally reprehensible, and utterly selfish. I'm not trying to excuse my behavior, but I'm desperately searching for a way to navigate this situation. I need advice on whether or not to tell my wife, and I'm worried about the potential consequences if I do.

I'm also wondering if I should try to contact Sarah and apologize, or if that would just make things worse. Should I seek therapy to deal with my guilt and shame? And, perhaps most importantly, how can I ensure that something like this never happens again? I understand that trust is the foundation of any relationship, and I've shattered that trust with my actions. I need to rebuild myself and become a better husband and father. This experience has forced me to confront my own flaws and weaknesses, and I realize that I have a lot of work to do.

I am also concerned about sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy as a result of unprotected sex.

I understand that many of you will judge me harshly, and I probably deserve it. But I'm hoping that some of you can offer constructive advice or share similar experiences. I'm not looking for sympathy, just guidance. I need to find a way to live with this, to learn from it, and to become a better person because of it. Thank you for listening.

The Moral and Ethical Minefield

Navigating this situation is like traversing a moral and ethical minefield. Every step I consider seems fraught with potential for further damage and devastation. The core issue, of course, is the profound betrayal of trust. Trust, once broken, is incredibly difficult to repair, and the deeper the betrayal, the more challenging the healing process becomes. My actions weren't just a momentary lapse in judgment; they were a deliberate violation of the vows and commitments I made to my wife. This realization is a constant source of pain and regret.

The ethical implications are equally complex. I abused my position of power and trust, taking advantage of someone who was in my home to care for my children. Sarah may have initiated the kiss, but I, as the adult and the husband, should have immediately shut it down. Instead, I succumbed to temptation and made a series of choices that led to a deeply regrettable outcome. The power imbalance between us, combined with the fact that she had been drinking, further complicates the ethical dimensions of this situation.

The Path Forward: A Journey of Self-Reflection and Redemption

Moving forward requires a commitment to self-reflection and a genuine desire for redemption. I need to understand why I made those choices and what underlying issues may have contributed to my behavior. Was it a midlife crisis? A desire for excitement and novelty? A lack of communication and intimacy in my marriage? Whatever the reasons, I need to identify them and address them head-on. This process may involve therapy, counseling, or simply spending time in quiet contemplation.

Ultimately, the path to redemption involves taking responsibility for my actions and making amends in any way that I can. This may mean confessing to my wife, even if it risks destroying our marriage. It may mean seeking forgiveness from Sarah, if that is appropriate. And it certainly means committing to a life of honesty, integrity, and fidelity. I know that I have a long and difficult journey ahead of me, but I am determined to do whatever it takes to rebuild my life and earn back the trust of those I have hurt.